On Being In Love: The Definition of Love

Have you ever been in love? I mean really been "in LOVE"? Now, let me ask you this? What is your definition of love?  I have learned in my life that there is more than one definition. 

In the Greek language there are several words used to describe love and they have very different meanings. Our English word "erotica" comes from the Greek word "eros", which is a more physical, sexual feeling of love. Eros is an emotional love. The energy and feelings you experience during physical intimacy create a bond based on the "good vibrations", which feel good to you, and therefore you love, or desire the person. Then there is the reciprocal form of love, described by the Greek word "phileo". In the book of Revelations the church of Philidelpha is known for its brotherly love. A love to be experienced among all mankind. There is no sexual desire attached to this form of love. It simply means if you love me, I love you. Treat people the way you want to be treated. (Sidenote: the word philosophy comes from two Greek words which mean love of wisdom)

Another word used to describe love in the Greek language is "agape". It is my belief that this is the most meaningful form of love. Anyone can have an "eros" or "phileo" love. Relationships based on physical attractions require the emotional connection experienced in moments of intimacy, and cannot sustain without them. And brotherly love is easily obtained, but it still requires the exchange of mutual benefits, similar to the "you scratch my back, I scratch yours" mentality. However, agape love requires absolutely nothing in return. Its only purpose is to give. There are no conditions required to sustain the "love".

A more familiar definition of the word love, and in my opinion a true reflection of agape love, can be found in scripture, specifically "I Corinthians 13:3-5". The version below is from the NIV Bible, although there are several others versions you may be more familiar with, depending on what bible you read from.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."

This is exactly what I believe is the best description of true agape love. Each and every one of us will experience in our lifetime both eros and phileo love, because those are the types of love that our physical self is searching for. It is what our mind seeks out to satisfy it's physical cravings. But I believe that agape love is experienced at a more spiritual level. I don't believe we choose to love someone with an agape love, in fact I believe our inner spirit decides that for us and we simply get to experience it.

When two lovers are experiencing an agape love, its as if their souls unite in a harmonious union. We all have the ability to experience agape love, but it cannot be forced, rather it is the force that unites the two and allows them the opportunity to share love from within, as it was their destiny to do so.

"The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along." 

~ Maulana Jalalu'ddin Rumi

Now let me ask you again, have you ever been "in love"? My personal answer is, "no". I have been "in lust" (eros), and I "have a love" for all mankind (phileo), but I can't be, and don't really want to be "in love". Rather, real love, true love, agape love is "in" me!